APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: ______________________________________________________________E. __________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is: ______________________________________________________________G. ______________________ RULES: Initial each Rule after reading.
NAME_______________________________________ ALIASES ______________DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________IQ__________ GPA______________ SOCIAL SECURITY#________________DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ IQ _________ BLOOD TYPE _____BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES________________________________________HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______Do you have parents? Rule One: If you talk with foul words and dress like a bad ass, a punk or a wanna-be-gangster I will toss you right out on your tush.
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you? You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.
As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is ? Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.
(supply phone numbers) __________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________ Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Do not try to call or write (since you probably cant, anyway).
Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury.
___ (IF YES TO ANY PART OF #8, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY) 9. Please do not try to call or write (this action will void this application).
In 50 words or less, what does “DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” mean to you? In 50 words or less, what does “ABSTINENCE” mean to you? When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice is _____________________ (NOTE: If the answer to “E” begins with a B, T, or A, discontinue and leave the premises immediately with your head hung low.) 15. _____________________ Signature (That means sign your name) Thank you for your interest. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.
If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter? Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:- Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.- Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.- Places where there is darkness.- Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.- Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.- Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.- Hockey games are okay.- Old folks homes are better. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.
However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ______________________________________________________________C.
______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend _______________________________________________How often you attend ____________________________________________When would be the best time to interview your:father? Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________________________________________________________B.